


Three Eyes are Better than Two

by demalore



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: M/M, prince peepers au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:50:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7908856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demalore/pseuds/demalore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a few days after leaving Peepers' home planet, the two new villains set out for their first planetary conquering together.</p><p>Takes places between Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 of <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/7449397/chapters/16926172">my first Prince Peepers fic</a>, after Hater and Peepers set out together but before the watchdogs show up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Eyes are Better than Two

“Waffles, Sir?”

Lord Hater unstuck his head from his headrest and wiped the drool from his face.  His legs and back were aching, but that was to be expected after sleeping in the front seat of his van every night for the last few weeks.  _ That _ little annoyance, he was used to.  Peepers being an insufferable morning person?  Not so much.

Hater rubbed his eyes and squinted into the back of his van.  “How in  _ Grop’s _ name…”

“Found a waffle iron back here!” Peepers chirped, cracking the appliance open to drop a golden pastry onto the least-moldy plate he could find.  “Surprised the batteries still work, and that it uses batteries at all…”

“‘M not eating those,” Hater grumbled, curling back up into his front seat.  Peepers could make all the waffles he wanted, but he wasn’t getting up yet.  “I dunno how you found waffle stuff back there, but it’s gotta be expired by now, trust-”

“Oh no, I just got some waffle mix from a nearby planet!” Peepers interrupted, placing the waffle plate next to Hater.

_ That _ woke Hater up.  “You better not’ve used any of  _ my _ cash on something as stupid as  _ waffles! _ ”

“Cash?  No, Sir, I didn’t  _ buy _ it.”

“Then…?”  Hater looked at the waffles suspiciously.

Peepers reached for his belt and pulled out a rusty blaster.  It was a little big for the former prince, but then, most things were.

Hater recognized the blaster--he had bought it himself because he thought it looked cool--but took a second to make the connection.  “Wait, you  _ stole _ it?  You held up a store just for waffle mix?”

“Sure,” Peepers shrugged, returning to the back of the van and starting a fresh batch of waffles.

“Peepers, that’s  _ illegal!” _ Hater whispered, eyes on the windows in case a space cop was listening.

“Sir, we’re  _ evil villains _ ,” Peepers said patiently.  “ _ Everything _ we do is illegal.  That’s kind of the whole ‘evil’ part, remember?”

“Sure, but..” Hater looked guiltily at the waffles.  His conscience said he shouldn’t eat stolen food, but Grop if his stomach wasn’t rumbling.  “Do we really need to be evil about  _ everything _ ?  Even little stuff like waffles?  Coulda just  _ paid _ for those.”

“It’s the little things that are most important, Sir,” Peepers sighed, making himself a plate of waffles and hopping into the passenger seat.  He didn’t seem to have a problem with digging right into the meal, unlike Hater, who was still working up the nerve to take his first bite.

Not willing to be stood up by Peepers, Hater forced himself to eat a piece of the illegal waffles.  They were fine, he guessed.  Nothing worth robbing a store for.

“Yeah, then you must be the most important thing in the grop-darned galaxy,” Hater mumbled as he chewed, reluctantly eating another bite.

 

It took a lot of strategic reasoning to convince Lord Hater to conquer another planet.  Peepers spent more time planning around Hater’s endless barrage of excuses than on the invasion plan itself.

“Yes, Sir, I  _ know _ you just conquered my planet last week, but I really think it’s time to conquer a new one.”

Lord Hater groaned, “C’mon, Peepers, can’t we wait until tomorrow?  The planet’ll still be there, won’t it?”

Peepers rolled his eye.  “Sir, I’m starting to wonder if you’re taking this whole villain thing seriously.”

Hater froze midway through balancing the final empty pizza box on top of his pizza box tower.  “Uh, I’m  _ totally _ taking this seriously!   _ You’re _ the one not taking it seriously!”

Peepers was getting nowhere, just like usual.  “Fine,” he huffed, stepping slowly back toward his passenger seat.  “I suppose that becoming the Greatest in the Galaxy can wait until tomorrow…”

That phrase seemed to be the password to unlocking Lord Hater’s motivation.  The pizza box tower toppled to the floor of the van, cardboard crumpling under Hater’s heavy footsteps.

“Are you saying,” Lord Hater growled threateningly, “that I’m  _ not _ the Greatest in the Galaxy?”

Peepers had planned this out, but in the face of Lord Hater’s fury, he nearly forgot his next line.  “N-not at all, Sir!” he spat out, “but with only one planet, how is everyone else supposed to know?”

“Oh,  _ I’ll _ make them know!” Lord Hater boomed, his voice easily filling the van.  “I’ll make them  _ all _ know, starting with!...”  Hater fizzled.  He looked sheepishly down at Peepers.

“Heliopolis,” Peepers finished for him.

“Yeah, whatever,” Hater grumbled as he gracelessly flung himself into the driver’s seat.  “Let’s just go take it over already.”

 

Peepers had wanted their first invasion together to be perfect.  They had to start out strong if they were going to be taken seriously as villains.  Hater’s suggestions for planets to conquer seemed a bit too... _ challenging _ for them at the moment, so Peepers had insisted on Heliopolis instead.  Now that they had landed on the planet, he wondered if the reasoning behind his choice was a bit too obvious.

“Peepers, this place is  _ lame! _ ” Hater complained, glaring at the pillowy ground and cotton-ball bushes.  Felt buildings with cross-stitched decorations dotted the landscape, with balloon citizens floating between them.  Everything about the planet was soft and harmless, as if it had been babyproofed.

“I-I know, Sir, but that’s precisely why we should conquer it!” Peepers urged.

“Fine, let’s get this over with.”  Hater crossed his arms, glaring at the cheerful Heliopians, who were glancing at the intruders and chattering in squeaky voices.

Peepers waited, but Hater did nothing.

“So I, uh, just marry someone and become king, right?” Hater bent down to ask Peepers.

“Wh-?  _ No! _ ” Peepers shouted, drawing more attention from the Heliopians.  “Just, y’know, act all scary and stuff until they surrender!”

“But…” Hater tapped his chin, trying to think, “that’s what I did on  _ your _ planet, and it worked…”

Peepers sputtered, “Y-Yeah, sure, but...this is different!”

“Why?”

“B-Because!...”

“...Because?”

“Because you’re a real villain now!”

Hater thought about this.  “What d’you mean?”

Peepers wasn’t quite sure  _ what _ he meant, but it was all he could think of, so he’d have to run with it.  “W-well, you have a planet now, so you’re officially a villain.  And villains don’t do gushy stuff like get married, they wreak havoc and terror across the galaxy!”

‘Havoc and terror’ sounded pretty good to Hater.  That whole marriage thing had been boring and lame, anyway.  At least, most parts of it had been.

“Yeah, Peepers, you’re right!” Lord Hater shouted, his eyes widening and beginning to glow green.  “I  _ am _ a real villain!  The  _ best _ villain!  And all these dumb Helio-losers are gonna know it!”

“That’s great, Sir!” Peepers puffed out his chest, hands clasped in front of him.

Hater grinned, but still wrung his hands.  It all sounded so easy, but he didn’t know where to start.

“...Sir?” Peepers prompted.  “You can...go whenever you’re-”

Hater swiped Peepers off the ground and charged toward the city, holding his shocked subordinate out in front of him.

“Sir, what are you doing?” Peepers cried, watching the ground rushing beneath his dangling legs.

“It’s cool, everything’s cool!” Hater insisted.  “Just...just tell me what to do, okay?”

Peepers hardly knew what was going on, but knew he couldn’t focus on where Hater was running to or whether or not he’d be dropped.  If Hater was finally going to listen to him, he had to seize the opportunity.

“Lightning blasts, get their attention!” Peepers ordered, pointing at the quickly-approaching city.

Hater raised one arm and shot an impressive display of green electricity toward the sky.  If the Heliopians hadn’t been staring before, they certainly were now.

“Good, now tell them who you are and why you’re here!” Peepers went on excitedly, gleefully watching the terrified townspeople.

“I’m conquer your planet, and I’m here to Lord Hater!” Hater shouted, earning a wave of confused muttering from the gathering crowd.

Peepers dropped his eye into his hand.  “I think they got the jist of it,” he groaned.  “You can stop running and set me down now.”

“Oh, right,” Hater mumbled, looking around and noticing that they had reached the center of the city.  The Heliopians kept their distance, leaving a large circle around the two, but the second Peepers’ feet were back on the ground, he immediately took control of the empty space.

“All right, listen up, you gas-filled, plastic-skinned  _ weaklings! _ ” Peepers shouted, pacing around Lord Hater.  The Heliopians were surprised by how  _ loud _ the tiny guy was, and even Lord Hater seemed a little startled.

“You’re looking at none other than Lord Hater, the Greatest in the Galaxy!  Surrender now, or feel his great and terrible wrath!”

Lord Hater’s cheekbones sparked with embarrassment.  That title felt a whole lot heavier with all these people watching.  As Peepers droned on, Hater felt less ‘great and terrible’ and more ‘shy and squeamish’.

“Peepers I don’t think I can do this,” Hater muttered under his breath, just loud enough for only Peepers to hear.

Peepers paused mid-rant to shoot Hater an almost angry look.  “Sir,  _ you’re _ the evil villain here!  The  _ best _ villain, remember?  Of course you can!”

“But all these people are watching me!” Hater whined.  Any looks of fear Peepers may have induced were gone now, replaced by something close to pity.

“Good, then they’ll all see how cool and evil you are!” Peepers said encouragingly, resting his hands on his knees even as he craned his neck up to look at Lord Hater.

Lord Hater didn’t seem to sure, so Peepers took his arm and pointed it at a random citizen.  “Here, blast him.  If this doesn’t make you feel like a villain, nothing will!”

The Heliopian being targetted didn’t seem very concerned.  In fact, Hater thought he could see the guy  _ laughing _ at him.

Hater’s heart sank.  “I dunno, Peeps, what if he, like, pops?  Isn’t that kind of bad?”

“‘Bad’ is the whole point, Sir!” Peepers nodded.  “Just  _ try _ it.  Please?”

Hater turned his eyes from the Heliopian--who was  _ definitely _ laughing--to Peepers, who was looking at him with nothing but kindness, still helpfully holding his arm even though it was bigger than his entire body.

Hater took a deep breath, then shot the smallest blast of lightning he could manage at the Heliopian.  A flash of green filled the town square, leaving a pile of plastic scraps where the citizen used to be.

The crowd screamed, everyone running off in a panic.  Peepers was screaming, too, but with delight instead of fear.  “You did it, Sir!  Feel better now?”

Hater blinked at the rampaging crowd, most of whom were just mindlessly bumping into each other.  They were so  _ weak _ and  _ dumb... _ and he had to admit, blasting that one guy had been kind of fun.  The idiot had been asking for it, anyway, by daring to laugh at Lord Hater!  In fact, this whole dumb planet had to pay!

“I feel  _ great! _ ” Lord Hater roared, pumping his fists in the air.  He blasted a few other balloon people, laughing as each one burst with a loud  _ bang! _  “Peepers, this is incredible!  I feel…” Lord Hater’s voice rose mightily, rolling across the entire planet, “like the  _ Greatest in the Galaxy!” _

“Glad to hear it, Sir!”  Peepers was puffing his chest out again, looking at Hater with pride.

Having found his confidence, Hater was able to terrorize the planet just fine on his own.  This didn’t stop him from being concerned when he saw Peepers just standing and watching.

“C’mon, Peepers, don’t you wanna get in on this?” Hater asked as another Heliopian exploded.

“Oh, uh, I think you have it under control, Sir,” Peepers declined, perfectly content with being a spectator.

Hater frowned.  “But it’s  _ fun! _ ” he insisted.  “What, you scared to have a little fun?”

“No, I-” Peepers began, but Hater had already made up his mind, setting one hand on Peepers’ shoulder and one on the blaster hanging from his belt.

“Just shoot one, okay?” Hater said, guiding the blaster into Peepers’ shaking hand.  When Peepers didn’t immediately take the blaster, Hater added, “That’s an order!”

It was hard for Peepers to focus with Hater surrounding him like this, but he still had enough sense to take the blaster and aim it at one of the panicked citizens.  The blaster wasn’t nearly as impressive as Hater’s lightning, but using it still gave Peepers a rush.

“Nice one!” Hater cheered as the Heliopian burst into pieces, “But now watch  _ this! _ ”

Hater was trying to blast three Heliopians at once, and Peepers couldn’t help but laugh.  He shot his blaster into the air, and was thrilled to see the remaining Heliopians shriek in response.  Hater was right--this  _ was _ pretty fun.

 

When Peepers ‘picked up’ breakfast the next morning, he also grabbed a newspaper on his way out.

“‘Heliopolis overtaken by up-and-coming villain’,” he read out loud as he scrambled the stolen eggs.  “Grop, one planet and we’re already in the news.”  Not like it was the front page or anything, but it felt nice to be noticed.  He would never have made it in the paper by sitting on a throne.

“‘Lord Hater quickly forced the Heliopians into surrender, with the help of his-’” Peepers nearly dropped the frying pan “‘- _ sidekick??’” _

“Peepers, wuhja keepit down,” Hater mumbled from the front seat, returning to his snoring a second later.

Peepers threw the paper aside, channeling his rage into his spatula as he mixed the eggs.   _ From prince, to commander, to  _ sidekick _ in just a few days… _ he fumed.   _ What’s next? ‘Towel boy’? _

He sat a plate of eggs next to Hater, and plopped into the passenger seat to eat his own.  He supposed it didn’t really matter what people called him, since Lord Hater got all the recognition, anyway.

Lord Hater’s snoring broke off abruptly.  Keeping his back to Peepers, he reached for his plate.  “Thangyou, Peepers,” Peepers heard through a mouthful of eggs.

Lord Hater wasn’t looking, so Peepers smiled.  He already had all the recognition he needed.


End file.
